Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
