hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize