Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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