I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
