I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize