what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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