guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize