His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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