Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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