She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
