Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
