Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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