Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I could make wine with my vomit
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
