it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize