How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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