I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude i'm inner monologue high
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
