pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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