Sponge bath it is.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
