That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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