I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sorry about my life...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
