i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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