Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
