the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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