I'm really into asian looking animals
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My life is pants optional.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
