Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
