It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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