she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
