Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
be right there i have to get my cape
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
