it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
