haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
