I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i out mim tonsoeep
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
