Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
