my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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