are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize