I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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