Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
