Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
