i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize