Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
