Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize