Yo dont text me then not text me
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
