Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
