It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
