so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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