She went from zero to smokin in five shots
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
