Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
