I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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