my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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