Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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