The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i drank out of a bidet.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
