Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
