Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
