You're so nebulous sometimes
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
