You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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