Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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