Where did you get a picture of my penis
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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