She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
