why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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