I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I licked your asshole in confidence.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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