I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
