Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
