I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
