I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
