I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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