I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
