i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
