I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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