I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
