Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize