I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
