There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
