How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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