dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
