so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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