hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
